The Doctor's Revenge
by Vampire's do NOT sparkle
Summary: The Title says it all. This is The Doctor's Revenge. Read my other stories "it was an accident i swear" and "this means war rose tyler" to fully understand this story. Please read and Review.


**HELLO... yes I am not dead. For it is I, Vampire's do NOT sparkle. Firstly I would like to apologise for the wait. I know it is a big time gap but it was out of my control. Its been a busy couple of months for me, what with exams, assignments, family issues and constantly being sick due to the changing weather conditions. I would like to thank everyone who reviewed, favourited my previous stories. It means a lot to me. But, enough of my life story. So... here it is... **

**The Doctors Revenge. **

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Doctor who. But I like to think that In a parallel universe I do. **

**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**

The Doctor cackled manically as he set the final stage of his plan into motion. Even he couldn't believe his genius. Oh Rose was going to regret the day she humiliated him. How dare she make one of his private moments extremely public. Well, she was going down.

He had pondered for days on what to do. What could possibly be good enough to exact the revenge he so dearly wanted. It had been driving him insane. His superior mind pouring out various intricate plots, however, none were good enough. It had to be perfect. It had finally hit him yesterday, whilst he was going through his daily routine of vainly admiring his perfect hair. Vanity, that could be the key. Women always cared about how they looked. Rose was a women( as he had most definitely discovered whilst she showered) and thus would care about her appearance. But what did she love the most... her face, eyes, hair... HAIR! That was it. The way she constantly died it blonde to ensure less regrowth proved that.

That had been a day or so ago( it was hard to tell in the TARDIS) and now, as he finished the last detail in his dastardly plot, all he had to do was wait. Easy. The Doctor could do that. He had lived for nine hundred years or so, that ought to have given him some patience...Right? Oh how wrong had he been...

The Doctor sat, perched on the kitchen bench, happily eating a banana( naughty thoughts be damned) attempting to be patient. It was more difficult than he had anticipated and despite his cool demeanour, his insides were jumping like rabbits. How long did it take for Rose to sleep. She had gone to bed almost nine hours ago and he was starting to lose it.

The Doctor jumped down from his spot and threw away the banana peel, reaching to grab another. One can never have to many bananas. It was physically impossible. He started to pace, deep in thought, casually munching on his banana. What would happen once his revenge was achieved. Would Rose call it even and stop... he doubted that, she was Jackie's daughter after all. So best case scenario( also the least likely) Rose would admit defeat and stop. Worst case scenario( sadly more likely) Rose would become an enraged Jackie clone hell bent on his total annihilation. For a moment that one thought nearly made him stop his revenge entirely. But NO! He would not give in. he couldn't. This was about his honour, as a man, and as a Time lord. He would not lose to a human, no matter how remarkable she was.

The Doctor resumed his perch, as this spot had a clear view down the hall. Once again prepared to wait.

His waiting was thankfully cut short as he heard movement at the end of the corridor . Rose in her sleep addled state, entered into his sight, feet dragging across the floor. The Doctor tensed in anticipation. Soon, so soon would his plan go into effect. He watched (rather creepily) as Rose opened the bathroom door and entered, prepared for her routine morning shower. The door closed quietly, barring the bathroom interior from his view. He waited impatiently for a certain sound... as he heard the shower start he grinned. This was going to be great, no matter what happened afterward, it was worth it.

As the sound of slight squishing reached his ears he looked down. In the Doctors hand was a half eaten, recently squished banana. He cringed in disgust as he opened his hand, unfortunately doing this caused the yellow goop to fall through his now open fingers and onto his lap... his tailor made suit covered lap. Dammit. He quickly jumped up, throwing the banana left in his hands into the bin. The Doctor spied a wash cloth to his left and grabbed it. Frantically wiping the banana off his suit. Once a sufficient amount of banana was removed from his suit he relaxed. Now it was up to the TARDIS to save his suit, but he wasn't worried. All would be well. He wouldn't have to get a new suit.

Crises temporarily avoided he began to ponder. His thoughts were cut short by a loud shriek. The crazed grin returned to his face as he slowly made his way to the bathroom. He came to a stop just by the door. Casually resting against the corridor wall. One,two,thr-

"DOCTOR!" Rose yelled. Travelling through the bathroom door.

The Doctor merely smiled. He waited a moment before replying. Knocking on the door as he went.

" Rose, what's wrong?" He said, his voice sounding worried.

"Help me please." She pleaded. The Doctor's smile simply grew wider if possible.

"I'm afraid I can't do that Rose. You told me yourself I wasn't allowed anywhere near the bathroom whilst you occupied it. Technically I'm breaking your rule by simply standing here." He said merrily. This was perfect. But he had to see...

There was a moment of silence before the door wrenched open. Sending a cloud of steam wafting out the door.

It was a testament to the Doctor's mental strength that he didn't burst out laughing at the sight held before him.

There was Rose. Standing directly in front of him in only a towel. But no, that didn't attract his attention, her head did.

For Rose was bald. Well, mostly. There were a few random tufts of hair that probably made it worse. Her full head of hair, gone...

The Doctor couldn't stand it any longer... he burst out laughing. Clutching his sides. All self control gone. Unfortunately that lead to the slip of a few key words.

" I can't believe it worked. Nair certainly is effective." Whilst these words were amongst loud, obnoxious laughs, Rose easily deciphered them. The emotions ran across her face all within a few micro seconds. First confusion, followed by fury, then hurt, then back to fury.

The Doctor sadly, was far to preoccupied to notice this progression of emotion. That was until he was sent flying across the floor due to a sharp punch to the jaw.

He looked up. No longer amused, clutching at his face. The sight in front of him was terrifying. Rose, with no hair, fury across her face. Looking a lot like Jackie. This had to be his worst nightmare, and he created it. Jack would be proud.

With self preservation the only thing on his mind, the Doctor pulled himself up, with as much dignity as he could muster, and ran like hell. Thanking whatever higher being that existed that this regeneration was fast.

He ran as fast as he could, the sound of Rose behind him his only incentive as his lungs began to burn. It was as he ran past the console room he couldn't help but pause. He glimpsed Rose's mobile phone, innocently resting on the chair. Without looking behind him he grabbed the phone.

Bravely turning around he once again laughed at what was before him. It was the laugh of a crazy person, one that sent shivers down ones spine telling you that this person was insane.

Taking a photo of Rose, bald, draped in only a towel, with a look of utter fury on her face. He continued to run. The trip taking an unexpected amount of time. So unexpected that he couldn't help but come to the conclusion that the TARDIS wanted him maimed and killed.( as Rose would certainly do if she caught him.) The Doctor sighed in relief as his room came into his sight.

Wrenching the door open the Doctor ran in,slamming it behind him. Locking it with the sonic screwdriver. As he sat down on his rarely used bed he laughed softly. He was safe. She'd have to tear the door off it's hinges to reach him now.

But first things first. To spread the joy and laughter. The Doctor quickly composed a text message, attaching what he deemed to be the best photo in history.

He dropped the phone and laid back on his bed, hands behind his head. His revenge was complete. Plus, it wasn't permanent, in a week or so he'd go to the twenty second century and get a hair regrowth formula. Then she would be back to normal, she would forgive,forget and move on. Oh how wrong he was.

There was a pounding on his door, followed by various swear words yelled through said door. He just continued to relax. Imagining a land filled with bananas and Rose, free of Jackie... He was broken out of his pleasant day dream by silence. The pounding had stopped.

With his acute hearing he heard her walk away. It was silent for a few minutes and he started to relax. Hurried footsteps were his only warning to what happened next. The sharp blade like end of an axe tore its way through the wood of his door, causing him to stand up in shock. The blade swung back and forth multiple times before the red face of an angered Rose Tyler appeared screaming

"Here's Johnny!"

With thoughts like " where on earth did she get an AXE?" and " I'm screwed." Whirling through his head, the Doctor did the only thing he could think of... hitting his head on the bed frame as he went. He Fainted.

**Torchwood 3 Hub. **

As Captain Jack Harkness made his way to his office, balancing pizza as he went, a high pitched tune interrupted the otherwise silent hub. Jack Sighed as he continued to walk to his office. He walked through the open door, kicking it shut, he placed the pizza on his desk. Reaching into his pocket and pulling out his phone. Seeing the identity of the caller he quickly flipped it open. He hoped Rose was okay.

_**Jack. Guard this photo with your life. Doctor. **_

puzzled he opened the attached file. His eyes widened comically. After a slight pause in which he allowed the photo to sink in. He burst out laughing. This was gold. The Doctor certainly knew how to get revenge... he just hoped the Doctor survived long enough for Jack to congratulate him.

WOAH. That took a while to write. I hope anyone reading this liked and doesn't want to burn it...

please review. I don't care what kind. I'll even accept flames. Any criticism is fine with me.

I'll try and write and upload the next one sooner.


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